


Statistics

by Inell



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Romance, Sexual Humor, Written in 2006
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 08:58:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4429265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inell/pseuds/Inell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cedric and Hermione try something new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Statistics

**Author's Note:**

> _Originally Posted: October 4, 2006_

“Have you ever done this?”  
  
At Hermione’s curious question, Cedric looked up. When he saw what she was holding, he choked on his tea and started coughing. His eyes widened as he stared at the very graphic image of a woman kneeling while a man shoved what appeared to be a very large cock into her bum. The expression on the woman’s face wasn’t at all what Cedric would describe as ‘throes of passion’. If anything, she looked like she was grimacing in pain, which made sense to him because, really, who would want something that size up their arse?  
  
He glanced at Hermione to see if she was fighting a smile, which would have indicated teasing, but she actually looked curious. In fact, she had that studious ‘trying to solve a puzzle’ look on her face that he’d learned from experience meant they’d be experimenting in some way or another. During their two year relationship, he’d seen this particular look a dozen times, at least.  
  
The last time had resulted in a visit to a Muggle club with more leather than he’d ever seen anywhere and a red-faced Hermione who had hurried them back home when whips had been brought out. True, it had ended with a private spanking and fantastic shag, but he still got queasy when he saw too much leather. It had been several months since that experiment, though, and he had to admit that he missed their occasional ventures into kink.  
  
“Are you all right?” Hermione asked, frowning as he coughed and nearly spilled his tea.  
  
“No,” he said. “I mean, I’m fine but no, I’ve never done, uh, that.”  
  
“Have you wanted to?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“You don’t know if you’ve wanted to? Really, Cedric, you know that you can be honest. I’m not going to judge you anymore than you’d judge me.”  
  
“I am being honest,” he protested, running his fingers through his hair and looking at the photograph again. “I’ve never thought about doing that before. She looks like she’s in pain.”  
  
“She does, doesn’t she?” Hermione sat next to him and held out the photo so they could both see it. “I’ve thought about it but it always sounded dirty, and not in a naughty way.”  
  
“You have?” He tried to keep the surprise out of his voice but failed.  
  
She smiled at him. “Of course,” she said matter-of-factly. “I read about it when I first started researching the subject of sex, but it didn’t particularly appeal to me to try it. There’s very little that I’ve not thought about doing at one time or another.”  
  
“That’s nice to know,” he teased, nudging her with his elbow and leering playfully. “It’s a lucky man who has a kinky girl like you.”  
  
“You’re so immature sometimes, Cedric,” she muttered. Her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink, which meant he’d been successful. He smiled smugly and tried not to stare at the photo she was studying so intently. She glanced at him and frowned. “There’s no need to be smug when we both know that it takes very little for you to make me blush. And I’m not kinky; I’m just open-minded and curious.”  
  
“You say tomayto, I say tomahto,” he said, grinning when she rolled her eyes and gave him that look that always made him hard. He put his arm around her shoulders and leaned over to nibble on her neck. “Why don’t you put that photo down and I’ll remind you how good sex in the afternoon can be?”  
  
“It hasn’t been _that_ long,” she pointed out, doing her best to resist him.  
  
Fortunately, he loved the challenge, as she well knew. He smiled while he tugged the collar of her shirt down and scraped his teeth against her collarbone. She made the whimpering moan that told him he’d be getting shagged directly, and he concentrated on tempting her to surrender sooner. He moved his hand beneath her shirt and caressed her breast through her bra, teasing her nipple through the soft cotton while he licked his way up her neck. “Hermione,” he drawled against her jaw, “do you want me to rip your knickers off and shag you right here on the sofa?”  
  
“If you rip my knickers, I’ll hex you,” she warned. “It is not in the least bit sexy to have elastic snap against your skin. It stings and isn’t comfortable. Besides, knickers never feel the same after using a repairing charm on them.”  
  
“Only you would focus on the practicality of ripped knickers instead of my blatant sexuality and skills of seduction,” he muttered, twisting her nipple just hard enough to make her gasp.  
  
“Perhaps you’re not as skilled as you like to think, Diggory,” she murmured somewhat breathlessly.  
  
“Don’t hear you complaining, Granger,” he pointed out, smirking against her cheek before he pounced on her. He pushed her back against the sofa and kissed her thoroughly before she could continue arguing with him. It worked, thankfully, because she dropped the picture, tangled her fingers in his hair, and kissed him back. He didn’t rip her knickers; instead, he pushed the fabric to the side and slid his fingers into her. Her arousal was obvious, and he moaned when he felt her wet heat tighten around his fingers.  
  
Soon, she was ready for him. He didn’t waste time, not when they actually had a chance for an afternoon shag without life or work interrupting. He fumbled with the button of his jeans but finally got them unzipped. He shoved his jeans and shorts down before he settled himself between her legs and thrust into her. She kissed him as they began to move together, the subject forgotten for now.  
  
********  
  
In the three days since Hermione had brought up the subject of anal sex, Cedric had found himself intrigued by the idea. He caught himself staring at her arse even more than usual, and he’d had a great wank yesterday morning when he’d fantasized about the idea. He hadn’t been lying when he said it wasn’t something he’d ever really thought about, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about trying it. The painful expression on the woman’s face from the photograph put a slight damper on his fascination because he didn’t want to hurt Hermione or do anything that she wouldn’t enjoy, but he still thought about doing it.  
  
Of course, he hadn’t mentioned it again. He knew her well enough to know that it was better to let her think about it and decide if it was something she wanted to try or something that went in the ‘considered but not interested’ section of her mind. It was fine if it turned out to be the latter, but he hoped that her behavior this evening indicated she was preparing to broach the subject again.  
  
She’d been fidgeting all night and kept looking at him as if she wanted to say something important before she frowned and said something trivial instead. Cedric had learned most of her moods during their relationship, but there were still sometimes that she was unpredictable and he had no idea what she was thinking. Tonight was one of those times.  
  
After dinner, they washed up and then retired to the sitting room. She sat beside him and worried her bottom lip with her teeth while he turned on some Muggle comedy program. He moved his arm around her shoulders and idly played with a curly lock of hair while he tried to understand what was supposed to be funny about the show on the telly. He didn’t quite get Muggle humor, and it annoyed him to feel as if he were missing the joke.  
  
“Did you know that 85 percent of men enjoy performing anal sex on their female partner?”  
  
Cedric looked away from the complaining woman who looked as if she might spill her martini and stared at Hermione. She had statistics? She was obviously thinking about this a bit too much, he determined. “Do they?”  
  
She nodded. “But only 58 percent of women polled enjoy having it done to them.”  
  
“That makes sense,” he said. At her curious look, he smiled. “I’d enjoy it, too, if I wasn’t the one having something shoved up my bum.”  
  
“You don’t have to be so crass,” she muttered. “I’m trying to discuss this seriously.”  
  
“Hermione, love, I don’t think discussing anal sex can _not_ be somewhat crass. And I’m being serious.”  
  
“Hmph. You’re teasing me.”  
  
“You’re quoting statistics. How can I not tease you?”  
  
“So it’s my fault that you refuse to behave maturely?”  
  
“No, it’s your fault for being cute when you’re aggravated.”  
  
“That charming smile doesn’t have any affect on me, Diggory.”  
  
“It’s simply a smile, Granger. You’re the one who called it charming.” He saw that she was getting frustrated so he decided it was time to behave. “Sorry. Now, what’s this about statistics?”  
  
“I can’t stop thinking about trying it,” she admitted, blushing as she met his eyes. “But what if it hurts or I hate it?”  
  
“Well, if it hurts, we’ll stop. If you hate it, we won’t do it again,” he said. “It’s no different than anything else we’ve tried, after all.”  
  
She turned on the sofa to face him, moving her leg up between them and hooked her other one around his. “Is it disgusting?” she asked. “I mean, touching _that_ area and, uh, other things with it. It just sounds so dirty.”  
  
“I don’t think anything that I share with you could ever be disgusting or dirty,” he said honestly. “Granted, I’ve never really considered it until you mentioned it, but I have to admit that I’ve thought about it a few times since then.”  
  
“You have?” She seemed to relax upon hearing that, though she still looked uncertain. “Does it make us depraved or perverted if we try it?”  
  
“No more so than anything else we’ve done,” he said, having to fight the urge to laugh because he knew that would just make her angry.  
  
She smiled sheepishly. “I know I’m being silly.”  
  
“You’re just worried.” He leaned forward and kissed her. He moved his hand along her jaw and rubbed his nose against hers. “We don’t have to do it if you’re scared, Hermione. I’m perfectly content never trying it, especially if it might hurt you.”  
  
“I don’t think it will hurt much,” she said. “I’ve done some reading about it, and it sounds like it should be fine if I’m prepared properly. I’m curious what percentage of women that I’ll agree with, to be quite honest. Would you like to try it?”  
  
“Sure.” Cedric was proud of himself for not sounding too excited or enthusiastic. It could end up being uncomfortable and awkward, but he loved to try new things with Hermione. When he’d nearly lost his life during the Tri Wizard tournament so many years ago, he’d vowed to live life to the fullest because it felt like he’d been granted a second chance. He hadn’t really lived up to that vow until a chance meeting with her a couple of years ago had led to flirting, dinner, dating, and a relationship that he knew was headed to marriage eventually.  
  
“Great,” she said with a smile. She kissed him and then stood up. “We should go to the bedroom. If you want to go on in, I’ll be right there. I need to use the loo.”  
  
Cedric watched her blush and then head to the loo. He got up and went to their bedroom, not exactly sure what he should do. Finally, he decided to go ahead and undress. He was already half hard just from thinking about doing this, so any fears she had about him not wanting to do this would be forgotten when she saw him. He heard water running in the loo and sat on the bed to wait.  
  
One of her books was on her nightstand, so he reached across the bed to get it. He opened it to the page that was marked with a scrap of parchment and smiled when he saw her notes. She’d definitely done her research, which made him realize that he didn’t really know what to do in this situation.  
  
He skimmed the few pages, taking mental notes about how to touch her and what might cause discomfort. He cringed when he saw that some women bled during anal intercourse, knowing that any sign of blood would end things immediately. He wasn’t averse to blood, but he had no intention of enjoying something that made her bleed. He closed the book and looked towards the loo across the hall. There was still water running, and his previous arousal had gone as soon as he’d read the blood thing.  
  
While waiting, he thought of something they could try that might make things easier. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and got what he’d need, setting it on top so he could reach it when it was needed. He should have tried to learn more about this after she'd brought it up because now he was worried that he wouldn't know how to do it right. He was trying to figure out if he should pull the covers down when he heard the door to the loo open. He glanced up and saw Hermione step out.  
  
She had changed into her dressing gown, which was a filmy silk that clung to her body. When she walked into the room, it became obvious that she wasn't wearing anything beneath it. God, he loved to look at her. She wasn’t traditionally beautiful, but he thought she was gorgeous, especially with her curvy body barely covered and her hair loose around her pretty face. He was distracted from his perusal of her when she held up a towel.  
  
“I didn’t know if we’d need this or not,” she said, holding it out to him, “so I brought it just in case.”  
  
Cedric took the towel and spread it on the bed. His cock was definitely pleased at the sight of her and stirred once again. “How do you want to do this?” he asked, letting her call the shots for now.  
  
“Uh, well, I suppose we should make sure you’re ready then get me ready?”  
  
“Oh, don’t worry about me, Granger. I’ll be ready.”  
  
“You’re so arrogant, Diggory,” she said, rolling her eyes and finally relaxing.  
  
“Let me help you with that,” he offered, smiling wickedly as he unfastened the belt of her robe and slid the fabric off her shoulders. He took in the sight of her bare breasts, the swell of her tummy, and the damp curls between her legs, unable to resisting leering and drooling just a bit. He gently pushed her back against the bed and crawled between her legs. “This is one of my favorite parts.”  
  
Before she could reply, he lowered his head and licked her. She was damp, but it was obviously from washing up because she tasted a little like soap. He smiled against her thigh, finding it so typically Hermione to not trust a cleaning charm when it came to this particular act. He nipped at her skin before he braved the taste of soap in hopes of getting to the taste of her soon.  
  
“Cedric, you don’t have to do that,” she said, rather breathlessly he was proud to notice. Her fingers curled into his hair and tugged, trying to get him to raise his head.  
  
“Put your arms above your head and don’t move them until I say,” he murmured. He moved his hands down her legs before sliding them beneath and pushing them up until her body rolled back slightly. He heard her gasp when he hesitantly ran his tongue over her arsehole. She tried to wiggle away, but he held her firmly in place. “I’ll bind you if you don’t stop,” he warned before he licked again.  
  
It was different than he’d expected, though he honestly didn’t know what he did expect. It, too, was damp and tasted like soap, but there was a tangier flavor beneath it. He continued to lick until she stopped struggling and started making breathy moans as he moved his tongue from her arse to her clit. His shoulders started to hurt from holding her legs up, so he let her go, pleased when she spread them wider and rolled up without being told. He thrust his tongue into her cunt, lapping at her arousal and nuzzling her clit with his nose, and then moved his tongue to her arse. He spread her cheeks carefully and focused on licking her until he curled his tongue and pushed against her arsehole.  
  
“God, Cedric,” she murmured, tensing and clenching around the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell her to relax but couldn’t get the words out when his tongue was busy. He reached over and squeezed her thigh lightly, which seemed to draw her attention away from her arse. She relaxed and he was able to get more of his tongue inside her. He rubbed his cock against the bed when he realized that he’d soon be fucking this hot, tight hole.  
  
After he used his tongue on her for awhile, he removed it and gently eased a finger into her. She clenched around it, trying to push it out unconsciously, and he groaned at how bloody tight it felt. He wiggled his finger and then pulled it out, sucking it before he summoned the lube and dildo that he set out earlier. He raised his head and smiled at her, winking when he saw her aroused but curious expression. “I thought we’d try this,” he explained. “If you don’t enjoy the toy, then there’s really no reason to try my cock and risk hurting you.”  
  
“That’s a good idea. Are you, I mean, do you need to rinse your mouth or anything? Should I roll over?” she asked.  
  
“Stay like this. I want to watch your face,” he said, not bothering to answer her other question. Sometimes, he was surprised that she didn’t keep mouthwash and cleaning wipes by the bed for after sex. Under his influence, though, she’d gotten better about not racing straight to the shower after and just lying in damp sheets to enjoy the afterglow.  
  
He squeezed a few drops of lube into his palm and stroked the dildo, getting it nice and covered. According to the book, some women were comfortable with just using saliva as lubricant but many needed more than that. He’d enjoyed applying the natural form more than he’d expected and now got to watch her face while he prepared her further. Before he used the toy on her, he eased a lube covered finger into her, working it in and out while he rubbed the dildo against her clit.  
  
“Relax for me, Hermione,” he said after he removed his finger. He pressed the tip of the dildo against her arse and slowly pushed it inside her. It didn’t want to go, so he lowered his head and sucked on her clit, nipping it until she whimpered and relaxed even more. The toy made it past her arsehole, and he watched her face carefully as he gently moved it in and out until he had several inches inside her arse. “That okay?”  
  
“Ungh,” was the only thing he could out from the noises she was making. He pushed it in deeper and she arched off the bed. “Too much. Take it out. It hurts, Cedric.”  
  
He pulled it out completely at her words, glancing down with wide eyes to make sure there wasn’t any blood. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  
  
“You didn’t,” she said. “It was just too hard. It’s not like you, all warm and flexible.”  
  
“How did it feel?”  
  
“Weird but interesting. Would you, um, well, I think it might be better if it was you instead of the toy.”  
  
“Are you sure?” he asked intently. When she smiled shyly and nodded, he leaned forward and kissed her. She tensed when he traced his tongue over her lips but finally parted them and hesitantly touched her tongue against his. She was soon kissing him back while he rubbed his cock against her wet cunt. He changed his angle slightly and pushed inside her. She gasped into his mouth as he began to fuck her, grinding against her on each downward thrust.  
  
“That’s not where I want you,” she scolded with a smile when he pulled back from their kiss.  
  
“I’d rather use you as lubricant than that strawberry stuff,” he said with a playful leer. He finally pulled out of her cunt and moved to his knees. “I’m not sure how this is supposed to work.”  
  
“Well, the easiest way is if I’m on my knees,” she told him. At his look, she smiled. “I know, I know. For the first time, you want to see my face. Here, let me move and you can stretch your legs out, then I can just straddle you.”  
  
“Then you can control it,” he said with approval. “I’m afraid that I’m so hard right now that I might forget to be gentle and just fuck you until I come.”  
  
“I’m going to need you to hold your erection,” she said bossily. He crawled up the bed and leaned back against the headboard, moving a pillow behind him so it was more comfortable. Once he was settled, he held his cock and waggled his eyebrows at her. She snorted, rolling her eyes before she straddled him and lowered herself, biting her lip as she pressed against his cock. “God, you’re so big.”  
  
He snorted. “My finger probably felt big back there.”  
  
“Hmm…yes, but you’re still big,” she informed him matter-of-factly. “Cedric, I can’t concentrate when you’re licking my breasts.”  
  
“Not my fault that they’re right here and look lonely.”  
  
“You’re incorrigible.”  
  
“Would you prefer that I be corrigible?”  
  
“That’s not even a word, prat.”  
  
“How does it feel?”  
  
“Bloody huge and it burns a little, cause of the stretching. Fuck.”  
  
“Language, Granger.”  
  
“Bugger off, Diggory.”  
  
“Much rather bugger you.”  
  
“God, why do I put up with you?”  
  
“Because I’m sexy and lovable?”  
  
“You’re a pain in my arse…in more ways than one, now.”  
  
“That was just bad,” he groaned before he licked her nipple and nibbled lightly. She continued to move up and down, taking more of his cock into her arse. He tried counting to one hundred so he wouldn’t come yet, but couldn’t get past eight before his eyes rolled back and he bit his lip hard. “You’re so tight.”  
  
“I think that’s all I can manage right now,” she admitted. She wiggled and cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. “It doesn’t feel that bad at all. It’s actually quite nice, albeit slightly painful.”  
  
Cedric didn’t know how she was able to talk, much less think, right now. He loved fucking Hermione, whether it was her mouth, cunt, tits, or just cuddling after, and this was no exception. While she was blathering on about research, he decided that she was obviously not being distracted enough. How she could discuss his cock size in comparison to the smaller size mentioned in one article when he was buried inside her arse was beyond him. So, he took action. He latched on to her breast, sucking it hard, and gripped her hips, moving her up and down as he arched up inside her.  
  
"Ow," she cried out. "Not so fast, Cedric. Slow down."  
  
"Sorry," he muttered, letting go of her hips and looking at her with a sheepish smile. "Do we need to stop?"  
  
"No, just go slower," she said, leaning forward and kissing him lightly.  
  
He let her control the speed until he caught onto the rhythm she set. Then he held on to her and began to move. She was gripping his shoulders for support, which meant he couldn't reach her breasts, but he did have perfect access to her neck, shoulders and mouth. They slowly picked up speed, and she reached up to tug on his hair as they kissed. Her arse was so hot and tight, clenching around him even more when he moved his hand between them and began to rub her clit.  
  
He came before her, grunting against her mouth as he tensed and spilled into her arse. He rubbed his thumb against her clit harder, needing her to come, too. He was panting when she carefully pulled off of his cock and fell back on the bed. There was come dripping from her arse and she was sweaty and flushed but not yet satisfied. Focusing on her, he moved over her and eased two fingers into her. He kissed her while he rubbed her clit and used his fingers to make her come apart for him. It wasn't long before she moaned softly and shuddered beneath him as she came.  
  
After, they lay in bed, naked, sweaty, and sticky. She had hardly moved except to snuggle against him and hadn’t said a word about cleaning up, which meant it had been Really Great Sex, he thought smugly. He didn’t have to ask if she’d enjoyed it because she definitely had a satisfied smile on her lips. He kissed her lazily, tangled his legs with hers and was considering taking a nap when she shifted and he felt her watching him. He glanced at her and smiled.  
  
“I’d say that forty-two percent of the women polled have no idea what they’re missing,” she said as she drew circles on his chest. She kissed him again before she sighed contentedly and lay against him. He was about to drift off to sleep when her hand drifted lower. His eyes widened and he looked at her mischievous smile when she casually said, “Did you know that sixty-two percent of the men polled also said that they enjoy it when their lover plays with their arse during intercourse?”  
  
End


End file.
